Scrooge

I resent being called a scrooge.

I mean, it’s true, I hate Christmas, but I have my reasons, you know? Coming up, as we are now, to the festive time of year, I have been subjected to the usual yearly round of fun-poking and insults (let’s face it, that is basically what they are, no matter how good natured) from friends and family who can’t understand why I hate this time of year. This, despite the fact that some (although not all of them) have contributed to that hatred; some of them, in fact, are downright responsible for it.

I’m not going to go on about why I hate Christmas because I think that I’ve already sort of done that in other blog posts and I don’t want to bore anybody with all of that because I’m not THAT miserable.

But here’s the thing though: I don’t understand why everyone who hates Christmas, and says so, quite legitimately, to other people, automatically gets called a scrooge. I’m not talking about the literary allusion because I know, and I think we all know, where that comes from; I’m talking more about the way that people apply that term in this almost jeering way because they think that it’s somehow appropriate or humorous. In my experience, if people hate Christmas it’s usually because they’ve had very bad experiences of it (as did Scrooge, in fact, in the story). And yet when people encounter such Christmas-hating individuals in society, they do not show compassion, or attempt to understand that happiness is not universal or innate to people at this time of year. Instead they poke fun and point fingers.

So here’s what I want to say now:

People who look miserable often are miserable and they are miserable for a reason.

This is something that’s always bothered me about the Dickens story, because Dickens was, apparently, a great one for Christian charity and compassion, and he was clearly very into the Christmas spirit. But, even though he does show the reasons for Scrooge’s miserly behaviour – the bad childhood and neglected upbringing, the lack of love etc. etc. – he does nothing to inspire sympathy for that character because it is generally accepted that it is Scrooge’s own doing that he became that way. It’s considered that it will be his own fault if he dies without a friend or a loved one near him and the onus is placed very much on him to change his ways because he’s ruining things for everyone else.

Now, of course, it’s not good to be bitter, but the question should really be WHY he is so bitter, and whose fault is that? Someone in the story should at least ask and try to understand it because the people around him really don’t do that – even his nephew makes fun of him, mercilessly, in public for not liking Christmas, which Scrooge is then forced to watch from his invisible place in the room. I mean that’s hurtful isn’t it? That’s a truly mean thing to do to someone, regardless of whether you think they deserve it, and it doesn’t set a great example of the “Good will to all men” that supposedly does the rounds at Christmas – Bob Cratchitt and Tiny Tim are probably the only two who remember this.

By and large, Dickens seems to want to mock Scrooge, and this is the really dangerous thing about the story because it means that very few people think about the reasons for Scrooge’s behaviour; they just take it at face value and assume that it’s ok to condemn the miserly old guy. The upshot of that, then, is that a lot of the depiction of the merry and jolly cast of characters that go around Scrooge – with their parodying and overall dislike of him – ends up producing this modern day humour (barbed as it definitely is) where people get branded with the term “scrooge”. Because these people are, like the original Scrooge, just having a really hard time with the whole concept of Christmas.

It’s like people think that it’s funny, you know? But it’s vindictive too. Other people don’t want to be brought down while they’re having a good time so they point and jeer at the people who aren’t participating because they think that, by shaming people that way, they can just get them to join in out of sheer embarrassment or weary resignation: “Yes, alright, if you’re going to humiliate me I’ll put some up some tinsel and eat some mince pies. Anything you want, just stop laughing at me!”

But it’s not funny, you see, because sometimes when people hate Christmas they really have good reason. Some people feel genuine despair at this time of year and more people kill themselves in December and January than any other time of year.

They didn’t really know about depression or consider the impact of home life when Dickens was writing – although Dickens, more usually, did seem to comprehend these things. But, I mean, we know about it now! We’re all, I think, a lot more aware of how depression and mood swings affect people – we have understanding of SAD and the harder forms of mental illness and, more widely, we know that not everybody in the world has a happy home or family.
Christmas, for a lot of people, is a wonderful, beautiful, jolly time of year where you get to celebrate with family and friends and enjoy every single second of the festivities – but a lot of people just don’t have that experience and, I think, it’s just as legitimate, under those circumstances, to be able to say that you do not like Christmas and to just opt out. It’s not that I want to spoil it for other people, I just don’t want it shoved down my throat while the whole world goes totally nuts and decides to stage a light show around me using tinsel and twinkle-lights. I just don’t want to see it, you know? It depresses me.

So when people call me scrooge it really hurts me, because I have my reasons for feeling this way. I’ve never had a good time at Christmas and even less so now that I’m an adult because I’m more or less on my own. It’s just not a great time for me and I have a hard enough time, with my SAD problems and everything else, just getting through the winter months without this great fiasco going on at the same time. And I’m not alone in that, right? A lot of people feel the same way and just want to get rid of the whole holiday and spend the time with the curtains shut just having a good sleep. Yes? I mean, that’s not just me, is it?

As I said, I don’t begrudge Christmas-lovers a good Christmas, really I don’t; if that’s what they want to do at this time of year then great. But it really makes me angry when those people call me a scrooge just because I don’t join in with their fun while they’re planning their Christmas dinner, complaining about the shopping they have to do, or figuring out what to buy their kids for Christmas presents – because that’s not going to be my experience.

I was disallowed from having much of a Christmas as a kid, and I was discouraged, really quite strongly, from enjoying it too much. So now, when Christmas rolls around, I do just shut myself away and hide. That’s what I have to plan for in the run up to it while everybody else is buying turkeys and putting up trees. But I tell people that and it’s like suddenly I’m the one who’s ruining their Christmas by being miserable and not doing the same things they’re doing? Never mind compassion and understanding, which is supposed to underpin the whole ethos of Christmas, my friends will actually sit there and tell me I’m being miserly and mean because I’m not at least pretending to be happy in front of them as they tell me what a great time they’re about to have.

It almost makes me want to say “Fuck you” to all these people and just never speak to them again.

. . .

But then New Year rolls around and it’s all over and everyone’s miserable again anyway because it’s January. And then it’s like we’re all in the same boat again, so I keep going with the same old friends.

. . .

So that was all I wanted to say, anyway. Don’t call anyone a scrooge this year just because they don’t share your love of Christmas. There’s probably a reason for it, and maybe that person is just not very happy. Rather than making fun of them or labelling them and dismissing them, why not try to understand and be considerate of that person’s wishes to be left alone. If they don’t want to pretend to be happy for your benefit, don’t treat them like shit. That’s not fair on anyone and there’s no Christmas spirit to be found in that.
That’s all. Have a good one guys.